Marathon 1st day

Hey guys. I started training for my marathon today. I'm running it for a good cause that is very near and dear to my heart. The Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America. If you click on the link you can make donations to this very worthy cause. I will also take offline donations from those who are so inclined. If you're here then you are likely a friend of mine or a follower of my blog. You know that I and many members of my family struggle with Asthma and Allergies on a daily basis. I chose this charity not to help myself but to help my daughter who suffers from asthma, along with my cousin Joi who also struggles with the disease and many allergies as well. I want the next generation to have access to better medications than I was afforded growing up and I would love to see more people educated on the dangers of these conditions. Last year I got my Asthma under control for the first time ever truly (I thought) and was able to run a half marathon. When I was done I knew there was only one more thing to do, run a full marathon. Please cheer me on, donate or just keep an eye out for me on the side of the road. You can follow my progress here and donate at http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/slowfatrunner/christieclinicillinoismarathon

Slow Obese High Cholesterol Laden Runner

Stats:

354.6 miles ran in 2012 (Yep I actually figured it out)

Cholesterol, LDL 164 mg/dl (My doctors eyes popped out when he saw the number)

BMI 34.7 (Obese)

Well I had a eye opening doctors appointment today. As I mentioned in last weeks post I have high cholesterol. I thought it was something that would just go away as I worked on my weight, my doctor feels that it's something that should be immediately addressed.He has prescribed Lipitor for me. He actually seemed kinda shocked by such a number. He said anything over 100 mg/dl was a cause for alarm but anything in my level was serious. Apparently my love of bacon, butter, high fat foods and anything greasy is truly putting me at risk for heart attack and stroke. As a matter of fact he said I might already have small plaques formed in my arteries. I have never been someone who doesn't listen to doctors I have a lot of respect for the profession. That being said I know now even more that the diet has to change.What you see above is my last fast food meal.....at least for this year. I would like to say forever, but hell how about some baby steps. Stress eating is no longer an excuse.

Last week I ran 6 miles, it wasn't much but it did feel good. This week I am aiming for 15 or better. I'd like to run 600 miles or more for the year, but anything over 500 will be. The temperature is dropping. The leaves are changing and as my favorite character would say "Winter is Coming." The best time of year is on the way. I can run,run,run and not worry about humidity or asthma. Well at least until it gets below freezing and I have to worry about my lungs turning to ice, leaving me in a state of asthma induced coma.

Today I started a new book. The Hunger Fix by Dr. Pam Peeke. It's all about why food addicts eat and how to make changes to end  overeating and have a healthful recovery. I'll of course tell you guys all about the book as I read it. That's it for today. Please leave comments if you have any on the blog. I really appreciate knowing people read what I write.

Slow fat backslider.

The Stats:

Weight: 268 lbs

Miles ran in 2012: Who knows. I actually lost count.

Forgive me readers for I have sinned. It's been four months since my last blog. It's also been four months since I've run seriously. I have been running but after I changed shifts from days to midnight's I stopped training for my next half marathon, which was supposed to be today. Midnight's are absolutely ridiculous and makes it damn near impossible to train. It has become evident to me that my lack of running is seriously detrimental to my health. I have gained back every pound that I have lost from training for the first half. This is honestly ridiculous. I am ashamed of myself for what I have become. Today I got some test results that I've been waiting for... cholesterol and pancreatic function. I have high cholesterol but my A1c level was good. So I have increased risk for heart attack and stroke, but I won't go into a diabetic coma anytime soon. So now it's time to do something about this. I'm back on days, so it's time to start training. I plan on running a marathon. Well actually i'm planning on running two marathons next year. The first will be The Christie Clinic Illinois Marathon which is on April 27th. I ran the half marathon last year. I figure since my fat ass needs to have big goals this should be a good precursor to the main event. The second marathon I will be running is the one I have wanted to do since the beginning. The Bank of America Chicago Marathon. In between these two marathons I plan on running no less than five 5k's, three 10k's and at least one half marathon. This sounds like a lot but I want it that way. I want no areas for excuses. No serious downtime. Hopefully along the way I will reach my goal size and for once be content in the skin i'm in. That's it for now. Tomorrow is a new day and I got some training to do. Let me leave you with a recap of some of my biggest sins while I was gone. 

I ate a minimum of 20 boxes of wheat thins during the last four months, drank a minimum of 20 gallons of Pepsi and I don't even want to talk about the cookies. cakes, twinkies and candy that I enjoyed.I'm not proud of it, but I got to get it off my chest. You know what makes me the most ashamed? I have people who have actually become inspired by me and look what I go and do. What kind of example is this?This stuff is going to kill me.....seriously.

Half Marathon Man

Stats:
Weight:253 Lbs
Miles ran on 4/28/12: 13.1 glorious miles in 2:13:14

Coach Laurie and I post race celebration

Post race meal. Six Taco's, pound of potato ole's and a large mountain dew.
 Been waiting four months for this

Yesterday I did it! I completed my first half marathon. I made one more step in the right direction. I took another step towards the new me. Well the old me with a different twist and better fitting clothes. Friday I blogged about how crappy my hotel room was. Well it was still crappy when I left. I slept about five hours that night because I was worried about bed bugs and late night intrusions. Pair that with the trucks and highway noise and you have a recipe for disaster. I got out of bed at 5 A.M. and looked out the window and saw a monsoon. I fell into a immediate panic, but I kept hearing Laurie's words "You have to run through the rain to enjoy the sun". After driving to the race and getting my daughter LiLi to a porta potty (Three and a half year olds and porta potty's do not mix!) I made my way to the starting line. On the way to the starting line I looked up at I hotel located on the campus of the University of Illinois Champaign and noticed a very naked gentelman standing in the window checking out the race. He was perfectly situated at the starting line and letting it all hang out for the thousands of runners to see. 

Yeah so from the beginning of the race it was a very interesting time. I'm not sure if anyone called the cops but they probably should have since he could be seen from the window for at least twenty minutes.

Okay now on to the running. By the time the race started the rain was over, but the wind remained and the 45 degree temps didn't go away either. At the starting line I started shaking and shivering but not because I was cold but because I was getting very nervous. Crazy thing is up until that very point I knew I could do it. To calm down I turned up my iPod and found my center while listening to Niggas in Paris my favorite song from Kanye West and Jay z's last album. By the second time through, my corral was ready to go and so was I. I started out in the coral dedicated to a 2:30 finish and ran a pretty even pace throughout. It was awesome to be in such a large crowd with so many people all going towards the same goal. It was also awesome to see so many supporters and funny signs. At no time DURING running the race did I feel I couldn't do it. The first ten miles were like running on air and once I realized I only had a 5k to go I kicked it up a notch.I even sprinted with another guy at the finish line. I now know I can do anything I put my mind to as long as I put the training in.

Your slow fat runner and Stephanie a  fellow  half marathon virgin and friend.

I am officially hooked on the long distances now. Next race is already planned and starting tomorrow I plan on changing my training up and trying some new things. So stick around it should get real interesting.

The Slow Fat Runner 

1/2 marathon just 12 short hours away.

Stats:
Weight: 253 Lbs
Miles Ran 2012: 276.9

Davis Creek area

Sitting here at this crappy Days Inn (Note to self, never procrastinate when doing a large scale race.)I guess a few prerace notes are in order. Well since last I wrote a few things have happened. I ran with a group for the first time and I ran my longest distance ever with no music. This past Saturday I ran a popular trail (Davis Creek) with three friends. It has outstanding scenery, great wildlife and wicked hills. It even has a cool suspension bridge to run over. We ran eleven miles and it was very fun. I was pushed out of my comfort zone and actually had to talk to people. Which is hard to do while running but not impossible. I found it actually comforting to have others to share my pain with. When you're running with someone you feel free to talk about stuff you might never talk about with others. Personal stuff;good stuff, bad stuff and the stuff that ultimately makes you human. Now to actually get to all that stuff you need to be able to hear, which calls for no music. I have always hated running without the buds. I only do it occasionally to hear my foot strikes and to gauge my breathing but otherwise it's strictly AC/DC, Rage Against the Machine and dance music unless it's long runs and then who knows what might pop up on my playlist. I've had days where Michael Buble has come on right after Tupac. Back to the talking, I didn't miss the music because of the conversation and honestly I think I gained something from being able to hear nature and the water rushing down the river and all that jazz. It was all in all a excellent adventure.

Tomorrow I will be running my first half marathon at the Illinois Marathon. I have my race haircut so I better be fast. It will probably be windy, rainy and cold. I don't care though. I came down here to complete a goal and that's exactly what is going to happen. This has been a interesting journey full of ups and downs. I have grown a lot through this experience and know that I can do anything that I put my mind to now.I wish I had spent more time cross training and paid a bit more attention to my food intake(I missed my goal by three freaking pounds) but oh well it's now or never time to put up or shut up. I'm going to bed now tomorrow is going to be a long day.


The Slow Fat Runner

Oceans Eleven.....miles that is.

Stats:

Weight: 256 lbs

Days on a food binge: 10

I ran 11 miles this past Sunday! Another personal record on my way to 13.1. I woke up extra early with hopes of beating the rain. Thirty minutes into the run my dreams of a perfect day were ruined. Thunder claps boomed around me and the skies opened up, rain drops were falling on my head, slowly at first but then a raging crescendo of storm was unleashed upon me. I was three miles from home and the wind was gusting at 20 to 30 mph. With nowhere to hide and no friends houses nearby I did what any sane person would do. I put my head down and took that bastard on. I would not be defeated by any damn storm. After 20 minutes the storm subsided or maybe I just out ran it. The aftermath was not something I was ready to deal with. You see I have been avoiding running in rain all year. I have even gone so far as running my long run on the treadmill to escape the wet nasty grip of rain. My coach, Laurie has been on my ass since the beginning of the year to go out and run in the elements regardless of how bad they may look because "you have to run in the rain to enjoy the sunshine." Sometimes I can't stand that little sprite, but I have to admit it she was on the money this time. At mile five when the rain stopped I was greeted by glorious sunshine and soaking wet socks. Socks that rubbed my feet the wrong way for the entire remainder of the run until I got two blisters on the top of my feet. Those blisters have been a pain in my ass all week, as a matter of fact I even skipped a run because of them. Oh well you live and you learn. The main thing I took from this whole experience is that weather is not necessarily a enemy. The wind is a terrible d-bag when  running into it but on the way back it's like that old friend who you drink pints with. I also have to admit that yes you do have to have bad times to really totally appreciate the good times. When I ran on Wednesday in the nice sun with low wind it felt so much better than usual.

My dinner plate

Okay guys I have been consistently losing weight despite myself. Since Easter Sunday I have completely fell off the wagon. I knew it would happen eventually and overindulging on Easter definitely helped set it off.I have eaten multiple boxes of Rasinets, Wheat Thins, half a dozen donuts, two bags of pop corn, a shitload of candy bars, at least 10-15 small bags of chips. There's more too! I'm not even listing all the burgers and fries, barbeque  and fried chicken. Yet I am still losing weight (down 24 lbs for the year) . Apparently my metabolism is back to where it used to be. All these long runs and weightlifting are finally starting to take effect. Yesterday I tried to get this whole thing back on track by eating somewhat good. I had mostly fruit and cereal, no pop (which I was consuming by the liter) and actually had a small dinner. So let's see what happens. Next week is my half marathon plus I have two 5ks coming up so that should keep my mind off of food for awhile. Peace out.

The Slow Fat Runner

Second 10 miler, Fast 5k

Stats:

Weight: 259 lbs

Mileage for 2012: 236.8

Pounds of honey baked ham consumed: 1 very delicious pound

First and foremost happy Easter every one!Not only a celebration of Jesus' Resurrection but a reason for the slow fat runner to throw out all the rules and eat until I can't eat anymore.

Last week I ran my first 5k of the year. Finished with a time of 27:10, which isn't a personal record but still is pretty good considering my pr is 26:45 and I now weigh 45 pounds more than then. One friend can be quoted as saying I looked like a gazelle as I ran the course. Now never in my life have I been compared to anything other than a turtle or perhaps on a good day a charging bull, but apparently that day I was really moving. It was cold which I love because it's actually easier for me to breathe when the humidity is low and the temps are between 30 and 50 degrees Fahrenheit. Pair that with the excitement of running the first race of the year and you have the makings of a 8th place finish in my age range. Something that is truly shocking to me. Granted numbers 1-3 finished in 21 minutes but hey it's still fills  feels good. I have completed my half marathon training and  have now went into maintenance mode. I'm running the same schedule as the last week of training only I'm trying to run a little more every day for example instead of 5 miles on Tuesday and Thursday I'm targeting 5.5 to 6 on those days. I ran my second 10 miler today, but I think I'm gonna move up next week and try the full 13.1. I was able to run all 10 miles at a consistent 6 mile per hour pace. Compared to the one I ran two weeks ago that I ran at a erratic at times 11:17 pace. I'm 20 days out from the half marathon it's about time I put these legs to the test. I'm really quite curious about the distance and am tired of waiting to run the race so I might as well just go ahead and bust it out. Right?

I have now been running consistently for over 90 days. I am a runner. I am a work in progress. I am getting stronger with every workout. I am able to pace myself. I am addicted to the runners high. I hate getting the runners high at mile two and not feeling it again for the rest of the damn run. I love people realizing my changing physique took actual work, it didn't come from a pill or some fad diet. No it is actually happening because I am putting one foot in front of the other time and time again. That's it folks. I love my readers and I love my new friends I've met through running. Please leave comments and follow my adventures as I move towards my half marathon and beyond to my first full.

THE SLOW FAT RUNNER

My first 10 miler!

Stats:

260 lbs ( 10 away from goal #1)

196.4 miles ran this year

5 weeks out from 1/2 marathon

Yesterday I ran my first 10 miler. I need to admit that I was dreading this undertaking all week. Not only was I dreading the run I was dreading the after effects. I was scared of this day. Deep down inside I felt like there was no way I could ever do this. Cut to me sobbing like a little girl as I reach mile ten in front of my house. It's really quite embarrassing to admit that I cried like that but I guess I better get used to it ,because something is telling me when I run this half marathon and finish I am gonna look like my three year old after a time out. I added two new things to my long run this week. I added GU™ and I added water. I finally got one of those strap on water bottles to run with. Two things about this 1) water gets hot when you hold it and 2) after five miles it gets heavy even if it's only 20 ounces! The water really helped though. Instead of having a sandpaper tongue for the last seven miles I could actually lick my lips and believe it or not I was actually able to keep my mind on running and not my imminent death from dehydration. Tombstone reads: here lies idiot who runs without water. As I mentioned above I added GU™ to my runs as well. GU™ or at least the variety I tried is like a mutated gummy bear or fruit snack. It didn't taste bad. I had the blueberry pomegranate flavor. Around the one hour mark I ate half the pack and took in some water because this stuff is super sticky and has a somewhat overpowering flavor profile and consistency once chewed. I'm not really sure if it helped my run at all but I do know that it almost came back up at mile seven. 

Me after the 10 miler. 

Looking over the stats i'm really proud of myself! I ran ten miles in 1:53:22 at a average pace of 5.3 mph.  Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined this possible. When I was a fat kid struggling to complete the mile during the Presidential Fitness Test every year in school (that really should be banned, along with the rope climb) I felt betrayed by my asthmatic lungs and supersized thighs and ashamed to need to walk three quarters of a mile when most of the other guys were just sprinting along. To this day I still see that kid in the mirror, but when I get done running I see a smile on his face. That smile is priceless and worth every bit of pain that came before it. Peace out.

THE SLOW FAT RUNNER

9.3 set me free.

Stats:

263 lbs

Miles ran this year:172.9

I ran 9.3 miles this weekend. It took an abysmally long 1:46:35 (that's one hour forty six minutes and thirty five seconds for the uninitiated stat geek)   My slowest mile was 12:32 which i'm not really sure can even be called running. I think my grandma could have pulled that with her two plastic knees and cane. On the bright side I did run two sub eleven minute miles during this death march. Okay maybe i'm exagerating a bit here. It wasn't quite a death march but it was extremely hard. You know usually i'm very upbeat about my runs and how I'm overcoming the odds and kicking ass, but not this time. The night before this run I was suffering from mild gastrointestinal discomfort but that didn't stop me from going to my friends birthday get together at our local brewery/restaurant. While there I had about five beers, some soft pretzel sticks, a gallon of cheddar bacon potato soup and as if that wasn't enough I topped it off with half a loaf of mini garlic bread covered in spinach and cheese dip. Let me describe this dip though. Parmesan,swiss and cream cheeses blended with chopped spinach. Also known as the lactose intolerant slow fat runners down fall. So at 7 am I woke up and got ready to run. I felt horrible. Dehydrated and bloated at the same time, but those miles weren't gonna run themselves. First mile hurt. Second mile felt good. Miles three to six felt ok. Mile 7 I hit a wall of pain and discomfort. I felt my intestines shudder and my knees shake. I had to walk for a few seconds to regroup but kept moving on ,albeit at a much slower pace. The remaining miles are kind of a blur. Somewhere between clinching my butt cheeks, fighting off a mouth that seemed to be as arid as the Sahara desert and dodging the dog shit all over the sidewalk on Cardinal drive (seriously how hard is it to bag that crap) I had an epiphany. I CAN run a half marathon and probably a full one. It might take a while but as long as I put one foot in front of the other nothing can stop me.Okay I am a little positive.

If you didn't notice I lost two pounds since last I wrote. I really have been cheating quite frequently. Dedication to diet has been severely lacking. I plan on spending the next six weeks with more focus though. I actually will stretch and strengthen as i'm supposed to and log ALL my food in! I want to be 250 pounds before I run this thing and I know it can be done. Thanks for listening.

The slow fat runner

Week 8: Is this what Eminem meant by 8 mile?

Stats:

Weight: 265 lbs

Miles Ran in 2012: 64.9   (129.5 after further review 3/19/12)

Boxes of Girl Scout Cookies devoured: 8 (ALL GREAT)

This morning I set another personal best (distance). Eight miles in 83:20. Not fast by anyone's standards but the distance was what was real important. I never thought I could run that long. I'm just so amazed at myself. Coolest thing about it was when Eminem's Lose Yourself came on at the very end. It was like some runner God inspirational moment. Sometimes that shuffle really knows how to pick songs! I have never felt this good about myself. I mean NEVER. The sense of accomplishment is honestly just overwhelming me. Next Sunday I'm supposed to step back to run a 10k but I really don't want to. I really want to just push myself further every day. Although I am proud to have reached the eight mile mark I am also kinda pissed off about my pace. I believe I could have run those eight miles in 80 minutes, but I was so scared of the distance that I ran a eleven minute mile pace for the first four miles. Live and learn.Now time for some pain management.

 I meant to bring this up last week. I took a ice bath for the first time. This chilly torture was very necessary. My "coach" Laurie suggested that I take the bath's occasionally to alleviate the pain. She referenced this great Runner's World article on inflammation response to explain why it works. Check it out here. My favorite runner Meb Keflezighi takes a modified ice bath after his runs. He steps into a cool stream on his property and stands there in waist high water for 15 minutes. My experience wasn't as beautiful as his probably is. First I had to squeeze my fat 6'2" frame into my tiny bathtub add cold water and a bag of ice. While sitting there listening to Dave Matthews Band I thought to myself "Is this really worth all this pain"  I did enjoy a beer though while I froze my marbles off. Like George Costanza said on Seinfeld  you have to be careful of shrinkage. 

Next weekend I will be in Las Vegas so I am debating running on the strip or even running at all.. It's so busy there and dirty for that matter. Who knows I might and I might not. It will definitely be a different experience if I do. While out there my wife and I will be renewing our vows and having a great time of debauchery and drunkeness. Culmination of a good ten years.So hopefully I will even be able to run. That's it for now stay tuned more adventures in fat running. 

THE SLOW FAT RUNNER

Week 6/7

Stats:
266 lbs
99.5 miles on the year

Well it's been awhile since I've blogged but I've done a lot over the last two weeks. I ran my fastest 5k time ever (28 minutes on a treadmill) and I ran my longest distance ever (7 miles 1:14:59 @10:43 pace OUTSIDE). Basically I've been kicking ass and taking names. I got new shoes also. Well not new shoes really I got a second pair of my Brooks Beasts because the other ones fell apart. I refuse to have injuries this time around so equipment is very very important. My shoes cost $130.00 but they are worth every penny. So if anyone out there at Brooks reads this please hook a brother up. Speaking of equipment, do you know how hard it is for a big man to find proper running apparel. I'm searching online for 2x running shorts and technical shirts that won't accentuate the man boobs and gut, but apparently no one makes those. I might just try some XL shorts and stick to the t-shirts with the technical shirts beneath them. I'm just not ready to unleash the gun show yet. On to the weight loss aspect of all this running. I'm down fourteen pounds in seven weeks,a healthy two pound per week average. I've lost big weight before but never in a sustainable way. If I can stay healthy and injury free I really believe I can run myself thin. Here's the coolest thing. Today I ate two terrible meals. One at Cracker Barrel  (home of Paula Deen's favorite bad food and one at Arby's. It doesn't matter though because my run burned enough calories that I am still well below my calorie goal. Running where the hell have you been my whole life? That's it for today folks.

 The Slow Fat Runner

My Superbowl Sunday/Week 5

Stats:

Weight: 272 lbs

Miles ran in 2012: 66.9 Miles

I had a so so week 5. I missed two miles of running on Wednesday and missed 40 minutes of cross training on Saturday. After Tuesday's run I felt horrible, my knees were on fire and my shins starting hurting. It seemed like the best course of action was to take Wednesday off, then the water in my house went out and I ended up changing that thing out on Thursday. This turned out to be a true workout but guess what...I went running afterward, it was nine at night but I did it anyway. I just felt like there was no way I could skip two days in a row. I honestly craved to be on that treadmill running, leaving all that stress behind. Saturday I substituted the cross training for painting and started painting my laundry room. I forgot how hard that could be on the knees. So hard in fact I had to ice my knees and take ibuprofen in the morning before I did my long run. I'm not sure if it's okay to ice before a run, but it seemed to really work out real good. No pain during the run and only minimal pain post run. Woo Hoo!

Sunday was Superbowl Sunday that time for gorging on food and beer while sitting on the couch for eight hours. Seriously when you think about it that whole day is like some grotesque Roman orgy of food and sloth. Not my Superbowl Sunday though. I made a concerted effort to not fall into the traps of the day. Woke up had a banana and a protein bar. Drank a cup of coffee and then iced iced baby. Went to the gym and with the intention of only running 10k, knocked that right out of the park! 6.2 miles in 66 minutes at a pace of 10:38 minutes per mile. Usually I stop then and walk slow for 5 minutes, but to prep myself  for the food Bacchanalia I walked for another mile at a incline of 5 at a 3 mph pace. This workout has made me feel even better about myself and what I can do.I did cheat a lot on the food side but hey one day won't kill me. It might actually help me. I cheated twice this week and somehow I actually lost a pound after being stuck at the same weight for like two weeks. A few months ago I could barely run a 5k now I can run twice that distance and still have the energy to continue walking. There is no way I can't do what I want in the future! Half Marathon your ass is mine. Bank of America Chicago Marathon  I see you and I'm coming for you too.

This little guy was in a commercial during the Superbowl. He is the epitome of the slow fat runner. I think I've found a mascot.Looks a lot like my pug  (although it is a french bulldog) but only a bit more fit. Everyone's running these days, why not you?

Snoochie Boochies,

The Slow Fat Runner (Slowly running the fat off)

Bang Bang Bang/Week 4

Stats:
Weight: 274lbs
Boxes of Wheat Thins Killed: Three (The last one was over the course of three days so that's PROGRESS)
Miles Ran in 2012: 52.6

You ever see the movie "Friday"? It has a great scene in it with Ice Cube and John Witherspoon. The scene revolves around how John Witherspoon's character (A dog catcher)loves to treat dogs. A very memorable line comes their exchange.  "I grab a dog, and I choke him, and I kick the shit out of him. All day long, my foot up a dog's ass. Just bang-bang-bang up his ass. That's my pleasure." Now look I'm no proponent of animal cruelty, I love my dog Spunky the narcoleptic wonder pug, but Wednesday while running outside for the first time in weeks I thought about punting a yappy little Yorkshire Terrier. Picture this: Me running along, one mile into my short  run. I'm jamming out to Earth, Wind and Fire the song "Shining Star" to be precise. The wind is cool and crisp and the streets are quiet. All of a sudden I hear a bark (destroying my serenity)and then I feel a tug at my leg. This little shit has got me by the pants leg and is allowing me to drag it along with me. First thought in my mind is of the aforementioned dog catcher. I look around for an owner before I punt this dog 50 yards, luckily for the terrier his owner wasn't too far behind. The owner apologizes and I continue to finish my  two mile run in a dismal 21 minutes. Apparently the dog had been after me for a few houses. So I learned two things from this experience...it's hard out there on the streets and turn down my headphones when running outside.

The rest of the week was pretty uneventful.  My work pants fell off, I lost another pound, ate some stuff I really shouldn't have and read a running book. Marathon: The Ultimate Training Guide: Advice, Plans, and Programs for Half and Full Marathons. It's a great book from one of the contributing editors of Runners World he is also one of the founding  members of the Road Runners Club of America. I would suggest it to anyone who wants to learn more about the sport. After I do the half in April I plan on using his full plan to move up to the real deal. Through this training I have started to think this really might be my sport. As I mentioned before I've played other sports, but they never made me feel this good. If I can stay healthy this just might be something I can do for the rest of my life. I love it. Just think, when I played those other sports I viewed running as a punishment. I had it all wrong. Running was really the best part.  If  only my knees believed it. Ice Ice baby.

I'm addicted to pain killers. Like Jesse Spano and Caffeine.

Stats:
Weight: 275 Lbs
Mileage in 2012: 46.6

It's been a busy week. I finished the week tired but not feeling hungry at all! Training has went according to plan pretty much except for on Wednesday I made a mistake and ran Thursday's workout (3.5 miles) instead of the prescribed 2 miles. Which led me to the title of today's blog. It eludes to a very special episode of Saved By The Bell where Jesse (Elizabeth Berkley) gets hooked on Caffeine pills after she uses them to help her deal with a very hectic schedule. I love ibuprofen like a fat kid loves cake (As a fat kid I know that's a lot). A miracle drug that makes swollen knees and stiff joints feel like a million dollars. Ice is my other friend but it's just not as portable. If I didn't know the serious health issues caused by ibuprofen overdose I would just mix the stuff in with my cereal every day. I must admit though some mornings after running I have to pop them like candy. Something is telling me that by the end of this journey to a half marathon I'm gonna need a handful of these things just to get out of bed.

Just to keep you up to date I've lost 5 pounds this year and have been tracking my calories for only one week(Only one bad day!). I've changed my food diary program to My Fitness Pal. It seems to work better than lose it and my "pal" Matt also uses it. It's got a social, almost Weight Watchers aspect to it which I like. If you join and would like to be my "pal" my user name is slowfatrunr. My half marathon is only 97 days away. It seems like a lot of time but these weeks are just flying by. One more thing...I know I've complained about odors at the gym before, but today I ran next to a guy who smelled like he has NEVER taken a shower. Look body order is natural I expect some at the gym, but this d bag was wearing a shirt with no sleeves. The smell of hot ass and garbage was wafting freely about the area. It was better than Patchoulli stink but still that my friends is just wrong. When he left (20 minutes into my long run) I almost clapped. I didn't though. Instead I just put my nose to the grindstone and knocked out a easy five miles. Easy like Sunday morning as my boy Lionel Richie would say.

Snoochie Boochies, 

The Slow Fat Runner

Fly fat ass fly

The Stats:
Days on Diet:2
Miles Ran in 2012: 36.1
Weight: 278lbs

I have been running on the plan for three weeks now. The first two weeks were really not too bad. This week has started out kinda rough. Yesterday was for strength and stretching so I lifted weights and did all my exercises to strengthen the knee. I still hate lifting weights, but I am getting more into it. I did too much though I think, because I was walking around most of the day like I was doing the robot. Watch the video if you don't know what the robot is or if you wanna see Buffy the white girl slayer break it down.

All that robot dancing made it really hard to run 3.5 miles but I did it today in 36 minutes at a 10:17 pace! Every day it gets better. I really like the feeling of accomplishment I get when a guy 100 lbs lighter than me gets on the treadmill adjacent to mine and tries to run with me, but can't. One mile in and the guy is panting. :)  Now for the diet. I am on a 1800 calorie diet. This might seem like it's not too bad but when you go from eating 3000 calories or more a day to that you feel a little shock. I'm hungry. I'm hungry right now. I'm hungry in the morning. The noon and the night. I'm hungry after dinner. That hunger is a good thing though. That hunger will go away. It will just take time. Well at least that's what I keep telling myself.

Snoochie Boochies,
The Slow Fat Runner

I just thought of something. Every post I sign off Snoochie Boochies.Some of you are probably thinking what the hell does that mean? It's from Jay and Silent Bob of the Kevin Smith movies. Clerks,Chasing Amy, Dogma, Mall Rats etc.... They are probably my favorite characters from any movie. I think it's because of Silent Bob. We're kindred spirits. Lot's of times when I'm running I can just here Jay saying "Fly Fat Ass Fly." So there's the origin. If you haven't seen the movies and you're not too sensitive check them out I promise you will laugh.

Week two

Stats:
2012 Mileage :32.6 miles
14 weeks and 6 days til the race
Quarts of ice cream eaten: 2

Okay week two is in the bag. I still weigh the same more or less but my stamina is getting better. I also feel like I am ready to get more serious about my nutrition. So I am going to start logging my food again. I started logging my food a long time ago when I read that Jason Statham writes down everything that goes in his body. Jason Statham is the guy from the Transporter movies and he is one of my man crushes right next to Matthew Mcconaughey  .Just for clarification a man crush is not some homosexual fantasy thing, it's just a guy I would aspire to be more like and/or hang out with. Back to Statham. He includes even the minutia like ounces of water. If that guy looks like that he must be doing something right. When I did my two biggest loser competitions and won them by losing 50 lbs each it was because I was so focused on what was going into my mouth and the effect it would later have on me. Over the years I go back to this food journal off and on but keeping up with it can become a real pain in the ass. I mean who really wants to write down they ate a box of wheat thins, drank a 2 liter of Pepsi and followed that with 10 slices of bacon....in one sitting. So usually this is how it goes. I am really good about writing everything down for three weeks but then I go on a binge and am so damn ashamed of myself I don't write it down. This is the beginning of the end and six months later I am looking at the log getting ready to start again. Since this time my goal is more about the half marathon and less about the weight loss hopefully this will go better.

This week I followed the plan completely except today I ran a extra half mile than it called for. I was just feeling really good and didn't want to stop running. Sometime when I'm running I just forget about all the other stuff going on. It's just me and my feet moving in tune to the music doing what people have been doing since the dawn of time(Adele was blaring today,man do I love her so). Some days that run is so much better than any damn twinkie could ever be. Speaking of Twinkies, I don't know how I forgot to mention this last week. Hostess maker of some of my best friends: Twinkies, Ho Hos, Ding Dongs, Wonder Bread and Sno Balls filed for bankruptcy. It's a real shocker to me since I have been doing more than my part to keep them in business for the better part of two decades and from the look of them half of America has too. I can still remember making a sugar sandwich out of two pieces of wonder bread and some table sugar as a kid. Yum. No wonder i'm a slow fat runner.

Snootchie Bootchies

The Slow Fat Runner




1/16/11 Edit note : I use the Lose It app on my android phone. I used to use it on the iPod so it's also available for the Apple platform. http://www.loseit.com/ Check it out it works pretty good.

Tread dread

Stats:
Miles ran so far this year:17
Boxes of wheat thins killed off: 2 ( I really got to stop buying those things)
Near falls: 1

I ran three miles at 5k pace yesterday. There was really nothing eventful about the day ,except for the fact I ran the three miles and then did some actual quality lifting. Had me sweating like a slave in that place. Today I ran two miles in twenty nine minutes followed by some Fartlek training. Fartlek is Swedish for bend over and grab your ankles. Okay it really stands for "speed play." For those of you new to running here's the Wikipedia definintion.

Fartlek, which means "speed play" in Swedish,[1] is a form of interval training which puts stress on the whole aerobic energy system due to the continuous nature of the exercise. The difference between this type of training and continuous training is that the intensity or speed of the exercise varies, meaning that both aerobic and anaerobic systems can be put under stress. It differs from traditional interval training in that it is unstructured; intensity and/or speed can be varied whenever the athlete wishes.[2][3] Most fartlek sessions last a minimum of 45 minutes and can vary from aerobic walking to anaerobic sprinting. Fartlek training is generally associated with running, but can include almost any kind of exercise.


I don't have the dedication nor the energy to give 45 minutes of my time to this. SO I gave it 15 minutes, This is pretty damn hard to do on a treadmill. So hard I damn near fell off at one point. That my friends would have been embarrassing enough for me to find a new gym. I've never really tried this before but I've been reading a lot of books and magazines about running and they all talk about this method of training like it's super fantastic. On top of the dangers of doing this on a treadmill and not outside my stomach felt like it was tired of digesting the half box of wheat thins inside it (snack, okay more than a snack). But I made it through no worse for the wear. It would have been much better if I didn't forget my headphones. This is the first time I've ever ran without headphones in my adult life and it really sucked. Seriously, who really wants to hear the fat man gasping for air on the treadmill? Not me! I actually feel bad for all those around me when i'm on those long runs. It also made it extremely hard for me to really get any rhythm with my foot falls. I'm used to cranking up Rage Against the Machine when the real hard part comes so Zach de la Rocha's screams fill my soul with the anger and energy to push through the pain. Every one of Tom Morello's blazing riffs whisk's me away to some other beautiful place.I started listening to Rage in high school and the old stuff still fills my music player. I don't know what it is about them, but their music just makes me feel ready to kick some ass.

In conclusion: Running - Music = HELL Plain and Simple

Snootchie Bootchies,

The Slow Fat Runner

I got 99 problems but a sit up ain't one.

Stats: 
Weight:278
Sit ups:100
Days without a pop: 1

Today is stretch and strength day per the plan. I did all my rehab exercises for my knee and then I got all crazy in this house and did something different. I sat down on my fat ass and did 100 sit ups. Now before you get all congratulatory let me just say there were some breaks on the way to that magic number. After the first fifteen I stopped for two minutes for fear I might just repeat the vomit episode from a week ago. Then between every ten I stopped to catch my breath and watch some "Hoarders" A&E's magnum opus.  By the end I reached 100 sit ups no worse for wear. I then did fifty girl style push ups. Look I told you guys I have zero upper body strength. Which is kinda weird now that I think of it. I actually delivered furniture for four years while in college. I could lift all kinds of things in all kinds of weird positions up multiple flights of stairs. I guess what they say is true...you snooze you lose. I shudder to think what my body fat/muscle composition is these days. Back to "Hoarders" for a second. Watching this show really makes me feel kinda weird about myself. You know these people fill their houses with crap basically because they can't deal with their emotions. Now here's the big moment for me....wait for it...wait for it. Maybe I fill my body with crap for the basically the same reason. I'm just gonna let that sit for awhile until I find a good therapist or another quart of ice cream. Okay it's time for bed, tomorrow I have running to do!

Snootchie Bootchies,

The Slow Fat Runner

Week one

Stats:
Miles ran this year: 12
Weeks til race: 15
Quarts of ice cream eaten: 1

     This morning I woke up looked out the window and saw frost on the grass. Which automatically means no outdoor running for me. I learned a few years ago that running in sub 40° temperatures means nothing but trouble for my lungs. It was after such a run that I was diagnosed with pneumonia and a terrible case of bronchitis. So with the great outdoors clearly out of reach I went to the gym and did my four miles. Sunday mornings are probably the best times to go to the gym. Its usually quiet, no screaming group fitness instructors to throw off your mojo and you definitely will have your pick of treadmills. Basically the only others there are like minded individuals trying to bust out a long run or gym rats getting their fix. Todays run was glorious. Every step felt good and I completed the mileage in 42 minutes putting me at a pace of 10:29. Not too shabby since i've been running three miles at 10:19 pace all week. I'm feeling more confident with every run now.
     As I mentioned above in the stats I ate a quart of ice cream. It was good. Breyers cookies in cream. Almost as good as the crack they call Oberweis cookies and cream shakes. I need to lay off these binges though and soon because I really want to reap the benefits of all this running and lifting. Plus how will I ever be able to join the cast of chippendales dance revue (a personal goal of mine) without abs or steel.

Snoothchie Bootchies,
The Slow Fat Runner

Two days off

Stats:
Avanti's Gondolas Eaten:1 (YUM!)
Weight:278

Tomorrow it's back to work. Friday was a day off and today was a cross train day. I can't wait till tomorrow to get out there and run. The plan calls for four miles at a moderate pace. If it's nice outside I might actually risk some pavement running.  For cross training today I decided to move my niece home from college. OK I didn't decide to do it, it was more like it was expected of  me as an uncle. I hate moving but it was some what positive because I got to see ISU my alma mater. Walking on the campus and seeing all the young runners making their way through the quad really  made me wish I would have picked the sport up much earlier. It just looked like a great place to run. Back to the move.  I assume I can count it as 30 minutes of cross training since it was a two bedroom two story townhouse full of crap that took five hours to move. The stairs alone probably put me over the thirty minute limit. It's wild card weekend time to drink beer and watch football. Go Saints!

Snootchie Bootchies,
The Slow Fat Runner

Hard Jacket

Stats:
Miles ran in 2012: 7
Boxes of wheat thins ate in one sitting: 1

     I ran today. It really sucked. Hardest three miles i've ran in a long time. Followed by some weights. But what's real bullshit about it is that it wasn't even at a hard pace. After mile two it took every fiber of my being just to keep one foot in front of the other. Tomorrow is a rest day...THANK GOD! I'm not sure if its the strength training or the fact that I only got a few hours of sleep last night, but when I walked out of the gym today. I had serious doubts about my ability to run 13.1. A day off should recharge the batteries.
     Last night I ate an entire box of wheat thins. It tasted great, I enjoyed the experience and unlike most days I only felt mildly guilty. Also last night I found the greatest jam band since DMB and Phish. My Morning Jacket. It was on American Dad. The bastard child of fox news and James Bond. Back to the group. The lead singer has a voice like an angel. Almost Bon Iver like. The album was the only upside to my crap run. That's it.

Snootchie Bootchies
The Slow Fat Runner

Funky people, puking pauly

Stats

Miles ran this year:5

Episodes of vomiting after a run: 1

Temperature of the gym the last two days: 90 f'n degrees

     Yesterday I ran three miles at what I thought was a pace I can handle. By handle, I mean a pace that wouldn't cause me to vomit,pass out or have a asthma attack. Guess I was wrong about one of those since I immediately lost the contents of my stomach upon finishing the run (well I made it to the bathroom, but you get the point). I guess two out of three ain't bad. Could been he God awful heat and humidity of a packed post New Years gym or because I assumed that after a two week lay off I could just jump right back into things. Like they always say never assume anything. Today I crack open my Runners World and right there in black and white it says after even a short lay off you need to ease back into things.
     I also encountered a personal pet peeve of mine: people who wear colognes and perfumes to workout. I also hate when women in particular come n smelling like some floral body wash looking like they just stepped out of the shower. I get it you don't want to stink. Guess what it's a freaking gym it's gonna stink and nobody gives a damn what you smell like as long as you don't smell like a pile of poo. Some douche bag walks in the other day looking like Pauly D from Jersey Shore reeking of AXE. Personally I believe this should be grounds for automatic gym membership cancellation.
     Today I ran two miles followed by some light strength training and stretching. I ran the miles at a 9:40 pace. Hard but not too hard. That's right around where my 5k pace should be. I like this plan because it's starting out nice and easy unlike the other one I was checking out. I think it would have landed me back in the orthopedist office staring down a cortisone injection. The strength training was only about 15 minutes long because I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I want to do in this area and because honestly I have always hated lifting weights. I have the upper body strength of a little girl compared to many men in my age range. In school when we did the rope climb I was the guy who never and I mean never even made it off the big knot on the bottom. I have legs like a bull ,but that's just because of gravity and the fact that I carry around 90lbs of extra weight.
     That's today's blog if you have any questions or input please feel free to comment.
Snootchie Bootchies, 
                                  The Slow Fat Runner
r

   

1/2 marathon

Stats:
Weight 280 lbs
Miles ran 2011, about 500
Miles to run in 2012, at least 750 hopefully

I have decided to run the Illinois half marathon in Champaign Illinois.

http://www.halfmarathons.net/usa_half_marathons_illinois_marathon.html

     I set this goal to push myself beyond my comfort zones completely. This is my new years resolution. I never felt like this was something a fat,slow asthmatic could do. Now after two years of running relatively regularly i'm ready to disprove that. If Al Roker and Oprah can run freaking full on marathons (yes they really did, photographic evidence and everything ) there is no way I can't dedicate myself to completing a half. Nothing against them. If I can get one half done I know in the future I will be able to do the full. Now this will be very interesting since currently it takes me 70 minutes to run 6 miles (hence the title slow fat runner).
     Yesterday I started training for the race using Hal Higdon's novice plan. It calls for strength and stretching days on Mondays which will be good for me since now I avoid those things like the plague! Today I run three miles which should also be interesting since I took the last two weeks off from running due to runners knee and a daughter with strep who subsequently gave me a nasty cold. You will also notice considerably more blog posts coming soon, I have started using the blogger app on my phone to keep me on track with posting. I know i've said before there will be more posts but this time I promise to really do it. I have to it's part of my New Years Resolution. So if you read this please comment, support and critique I need all these things and I appreciate all your support and feedback.

http://www.halhigdon.com/halfmarathon/novice.htm