New goals, New body, Same me

Stats: 274 lbs (Give me a Hell Yeah!)That's 19 lbs since August 1st.

Miles:111 total. Roughly 45 running and 66 on the elliptical, my new friend.

Food benders: 3, I'm gonna be honest here and say I love to binge (if only I purged)

     Well folks it's been a while ,but I promise I'm gonna change the frequency of these posts. Over the last month some things have happened. My orthopedist told me I can in fact continue running, only on treadmill, packed gravel or other soft surface with out hills, except on race day then it's o.k. for a little pavement pounding .With that knowledge I decided to set some goals. Goal one lose some weight. I love running and I know running that last 5k at damn near 300 lbs helped lead to this injury problem. Just because you can run a 5k at 300lbs doesn't mean you should.So my sub goals are as follows:275 lbs,250 lbs, 225lbs. At 225 lbs I will start training for my first half marathon. After my half marathon hopefully I will be at or near my goal weight of 210lbs. I believe at 210 I won't look emaciated. In fact I might actually want to take my shirt off at the pool (might, but probably not if I don't deal with some other body image issues). 

     If my weight loss journal program is correct I should be at 225lbs on Mar 2, 2012 which just happens to be my 10 year wedding anniversary. I'm not holding my breath that this will be the day though. I know myself and I know between now and then there are some big holidays, some small holidays and my own version of male PMS, which requires me to eat chocolate once a month in copious amounts and yell at my wife for apparently no freaking reason. Over the course of the next six months I expect some big changes.For those of you who know me personally please cut me some slack if i'm a little edgy. I've dropped down from 4000 calories a day (seriously that's what I was ingesting) to between 1500 and 1800 a day. I've embraced the elliptical for the first time and I actually am starting to enjoy lifting weights. I started up doing push ups and sit ups ,but I realized lifting weights makes more sense, since i'm paying for a gym I might as well use more than just two pieces of equipment. Well that's it for now. 

     Oh sh*t I just realized I wasn't really all that funny in this post. Hmm, what to say what to say? Do you know what a fat runners best friend is? GLIDE. This handy dandy miracle product keeps man boobs supple and fat thighs from chafing like some dirty bunny ranch prostitute. Oh yeah you gotta try this stuff out it it's super fantastic.

Lay Off

Stats:293 lbs (Give a fat man a excuse and he will eat his way to death)
Miles ran in last 5 WEEKS: ZERO, ZILCH,NADA

     You're probably wondering where the hell has this guy been. Who starts a blog, writes six posts and quit, wtf. Well I've been wallowing in self pity for the last few weeks since I injured my knee. I had x-rays on monday and it turned out I had a calcium deposit in my knee probably from having Osgood-Schlatter's disease as a child. Nothing serious. The doctor was worried enough though that he did order a MRI so lets see what comes from that. He thinks stress fractures might be at play but won't know til the MRI is done. I have used this injury time to read,eat and watch movies. Netflix instant is awesome by the way. They have some awesome B-movies out there.
      I'm not really sure how much longer this blog is gonna be called slow fat runner it might become slow-fat-walker or slow-fat-weightlifter. Who knows how's it gonna go. I just know I need some outlet for all this. Keep following me and enjoy the ride. It's gonna get real bumpy I think.

I have a old football injury much like Al Bundy

Stats:
284 lbs (told you I was thirsty)
10.5 miles in last 7 days

     Back in high school when I sat on the bench during football seasons 1-4 I got an injury during practice. Well it wasn't really an injury it was more of a discovery.My knee was swollen and always in pain. I went to a orthopedist who actually looked shocked when he lchecked out the x-rays. Turns out I was missing a chunk of cartilage in my left knee. Probably born this way. This along with my 280 + pound frame makes running a bit risky. Today I am paying for the last 8 weeks of training, plus my hill training run on Monday (which might I add really really sucked). Today I could barely walk. I looked like Frankenstein's monster after a round of jager bombs. Over the course of the day it has gotten a bit better though. So now I am debating if I should even attempt running tomorrow. Prior experience tells me if I don't run it will probably get better ,but prior experience also tells me if I don't run I will get back to 300lbs in a matter of a couple months. I initially said this blog wasn't really about my weight, but the more I write the more it seems I gravitate towards the topic. I mean seriously the title of the blog is slow fat runner who am I kidding FAT is right in the middle, it obviously should be a part of the blog.
     Anyway lets get back to the topic at hand. My knee hurts and I still want to run damn maybe I really am becoming a real runner.It's either a aggravation of the old knee injury or quite possibly it's something new like iliotibial band syndrome (ITBS) check the link for a definition I'm lazy and have no urge to explain it.Lets just say running hills = bad frakking idea (yes that was a Battlestar Galactica reference). I once read where Steve Prefontaine despite a foot injury and stitches, won the  NCAA 3-mile in a record time of 13:22.0. That would make me think it's simply a matter of mind over pain. The question is am I tough enough? Check back to find out because even I'm not sure. Watch the video below it makes a fat man proud. Like I always say don't underestimate a fat man because if he's motivated (by a twinkie) he just might surprise you.

First race of the year. I had nothing to fear.

Stats:

279.5 lbs (Not starving just thirsty)

10.7 miles ran in last 7 days :(

     Sorry for the late post I just felt kinda off yesterday. Honestly I almost didn't run the race that I trained for eight weeks to get to. I ran the Kilbride Family Classic 5k yesterday and it was super duper humid outside. My time was 32:55.6, 10:36 pace  It was chip timed and thank God because I had to dodge strollers, walkers and other slow fat runners.. I am not happy with the time at all! The course was much harder than I remember it being and somewhere around the one mile mark I just felt like stopping.My body wouldn't let me (stupid body). Which was great it actually showed me my body is stronger than I thought.I now must start training for the next race, which I haven't chosen yet! This time around I will actually do some form of strength training, which I detest more than the klu klux klan, ultra conservatives or those wedgies you get that you can't pick out because you are in front of someone. Well that's it for today time to nurse my ego and my toe which is really killing me.

You're running down the street and you see poo all around your feet. Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

Stats:
 285 lbs
14.9 miles ran in the last week
Foods binged on:
One box of wheat thins in a sitting
Location:
My toilet

       As you probably have already gathered from the title, this post is all about poo and how your body betrays you like Anthony Weiners porn star pen pal. I wasn't gonna write about this but then I figured if Judd Apatow can write movies containing nothing but dick and fart jokes that make millions of dollars I should be in the clear. Who knows a post full of poo might gain me a couple of followers. Picture this, you've ran two miles from your house and all of a sudden your bowels make a strange noise followed by the most intense pain you have ever felt. This my friends is the runners trots and something no one ever told me about BEFORE I started this journey. Back to that faithful day last year when I went through this experience. I'm out jogging along at my wonderful eleven minute mile pace and the aforementioned pain came on I assessed the situation and kept moving until it got too unbearable to go on. At this point I was a mile away from home and left with two options. A) Shit in someones alley like a dog or B)Clench my ass cheeks together and walk like George Ryan his first day in prison. I chose B and let me just tell you that was the LONGEST walk of my entire life.
     No one knows exactly why "runners trots" occurs but I'd like to think it's your body getting back at you for torturing it mile after mile. Since that day I haven't had any shitty recurrences but i'm always vigilant . You never know if that errant fart might just lead to shorts full of poop and a walk of shame home. So beginning runners be careful. Watch what you eat before a run and be kind to your colon. If you know you're running in the morning you might want to lay off the Indian food and hot wings well in advance.Hold on  I need to wipe let's move on to the next topic.
     I have a race on Sunday! The Kilbride Classic 5k. It's a return to my first race course. In 2009 this was the first place I ever officially declared I AM A RUNNER!. So no more running til then. I will blog from the race to keep you in the know. If you're reading this and you like it let me know. Please leave a comment and follow my blog as I work my way from 5k to 10 k to half marathon and beyond.

     

More about me. This Kenyan failed the genetic lottery.

Stats:
285.5 lbs (dehydrated as hell)
0 miles today

Well I failed to mention this in the last post I'm asthmatic and have been since I was seven. Had nightly asthma attacks as a kid and never really could play any sports. Didn't get my asthma under control until after college and that wasn't until I found a GOOD doctor. I also seem to be allergic to everything. I am allergic ragweed, pollen of all sorts, cats, dogs, grass etcetera etcetera etcetera. Which when you're a runner honestly sucks. Three days a week I'm up and running at 4:30 in the morning with the snot running down my face. In the early spring and late fall seasons it's really quite comical because I have to snotsicles semi attached to my face. Oh yeah i'm damn near legally blind, have flat feet and somehow was born missing a chunk of cartilage in my left knee.

Back to childhood sports: I can run through all my athletic achievements in one pathetic paragraph. I played one year of  little league baseball, wrestled for three years-5th grade through 8th, and played four years of high school football.  The one year of little league was a disaster! In the future I'll have to post the picture. Let's just say this: A fat kid does not belong in stretchy white pants! As for the wrestling it was just as bad. I was young and had boobs and wore a wrestling singlet. Not a pretty sight by any ones definition. Three years of wrestling as a heavyweight against boys who were REAL heavyweights. They were tall and fat. I was kinda tall and kinda chubby. Last but not least lets talk about football. I love football it is and has always been my favorite sport. My dad coached Pop Warner football when I was a kid. I could never play though because my mom wouldn't let me due to the asthma and perceived violence. Guess what I love the sport but I honestly, in retrospect, really sucked. I never started one game not even freshman year. Check out these stats: I was 6 feet tall 220 lbs my freshman year. That's a starting left tackle if I've ever seen one. Nope. I was slow, out of shape and didn't really like all that running.

Look this isn't a pity party. All those things make me being able to run today very gratifying. Just the fact that I'm able to run at all is amazing to me. The fact that I actually enjoy doing it is even more crazy.

I'm a Kenyan on the inside. Still working on the outside.

Hi my name is Chad and I'm a slow fat runner. Here's the stats:

6'2" 290 lbs as of today and I've ran three 5ks over the past 3 years. Personal Record 26:40.

I decided to start writing on here because I don't see a lot of people like me out there in the world running. I never thought I would ever want to do anything like this but I don't know something recently came over me. I'm not trying to lose weight(although that would be a happy byproduct) I run because it's the one time when I have complete control over myself. and I'm sure that's probably why many others do too.

Every few days I will update my progress, talk about races coming up, discuss fat man training secrets and occasionally stray off topic and talk about something more exciting like pop culture or Fat Burger or some other inane topic. This blog will probably end when the fat is removed from the title. Which if the last 31 years of my life can be a indicator will be a long time from now.