You're running down the street and you see poo all around your feet. Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

Stats:
 285 lbs
14.9 miles ran in the last week
Foods binged on:
One box of wheat thins in a sitting
Location:
My toilet

       As you probably have already gathered from the title, this post is all about poo and how your body betrays you like Anthony Weiners porn star pen pal. I wasn't gonna write about this but then I figured if Judd Apatow can write movies containing nothing but dick and fart jokes that make millions of dollars I should be in the clear. Who knows a post full of poo might gain me a couple of followers. Picture this, you've ran two miles from your house and all of a sudden your bowels make a strange noise followed by the most intense pain you have ever felt. This my friends is the runners trots and something no one ever told me about BEFORE I started this journey. Back to that faithful day last year when I went through this experience. I'm out jogging along at my wonderful eleven minute mile pace and the aforementioned pain came on I assessed the situation and kept moving until it got too unbearable to go on. At this point I was a mile away from home and left with two options. A) Shit in someones alley like a dog or B)Clench my ass cheeks together and walk like George Ryan his first day in prison. I chose B and let me just tell you that was the LONGEST walk of my entire life.
     No one knows exactly why "runners trots" occurs but I'd like to think it's your body getting back at you for torturing it mile after mile. Since that day I haven't had any shitty recurrences but i'm always vigilant . You never know if that errant fart might just lead to shorts full of poop and a walk of shame home. So beginning runners be careful. Watch what you eat before a run and be kind to your colon. If you know you're running in the morning you might want to lay off the Indian food and hot wings well in advance.Hold on  I need to wipe let's move on to the next topic.
     I have a race on Sunday! The Kilbride Classic 5k. It's a return to my first race course. In 2009 this was the first place I ever officially declared I AM A RUNNER!. So no more running til then. I will blog from the race to keep you in the know. If you're reading this and you like it let me know. Please leave a comment and follow my blog as I work my way from 5k to 10 k to half marathon and beyond.