Week two

Stats:
2012 Mileage :32.6 miles
14 weeks and 6 days til the race
Quarts of ice cream eaten: 2

Okay week two is in the bag. I still weigh the same more or less but my stamina is getting better. I also feel like I am ready to get more serious about my nutrition. So I am going to start logging my food again. I started logging my food a long time ago when I read that Jason Statham writes down everything that goes in his body. Jason Statham is the guy from the Transporter movies and he is one of my man crushes right next to Matthew Mcconaughey  .Just for clarification a man crush is not some homosexual fantasy thing, it's just a guy I would aspire to be more like and/or hang out with. Back to Statham. He includes even the minutia like ounces of water. If that guy looks like that he must be doing something right. When I did my two biggest loser competitions and won them by losing 50 lbs each it was because I was so focused on what was going into my mouth and the effect it would later have on me. Over the years I go back to this food journal off and on but keeping up with it can become a real pain in the ass. I mean who really wants to write down they ate a box of wheat thins, drank a 2 liter of Pepsi and followed that with 10 slices of bacon....in one sitting. So usually this is how it goes. I am really good about writing everything down for three weeks but then I go on a binge and am so damn ashamed of myself I don't write it down. This is the beginning of the end and six months later I am looking at the log getting ready to start again. Since this time my goal is more about the half marathon and less about the weight loss hopefully this will go better.

This week I followed the plan completely except today I ran a extra half mile than it called for. I was just feeling really good and didn't want to stop running. Sometime when I'm running I just forget about all the other stuff going on. It's just me and my feet moving in tune to the music doing what people have been doing since the dawn of time(Adele was blaring today,man do I love her so). Some days that run is so much better than any damn twinkie could ever be. Speaking of Twinkies, I don't know how I forgot to mention this last week. Hostess maker of some of my best friends: Twinkies, Ho Hos, Ding Dongs, Wonder Bread and Sno Balls filed for bankruptcy. It's a real shocker to me since I have been doing more than my part to keep them in business for the better part of two decades and from the look of them half of America has too. I can still remember making a sugar sandwich out of two pieces of wonder bread and some table sugar as a kid. Yum. No wonder i'm a slow fat runner.

Snootchie Bootchies

The Slow Fat Runner




1/16/11 Edit note : I use the Lose It app on my android phone. I used to use it on the iPod so it's also available for the Apple platform. http://www.loseit.com/ Check it out it works pretty good.

You're running down the street and you see poo all around your feet. Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

Stats:
 285 lbs
14.9 miles ran in the last week
Foods binged on:
One box of wheat thins in a sitting
Location:
My toilet

       As you probably have already gathered from the title, this post is all about poo and how your body betrays you like Anthony Weiners porn star pen pal. I wasn't gonna write about this but then I figured if Judd Apatow can write movies containing nothing but dick and fart jokes that make millions of dollars I should be in the clear. Who knows a post full of poo might gain me a couple of followers. Picture this, you've ran two miles from your house and all of a sudden your bowels make a strange noise followed by the most intense pain you have ever felt. This my friends is the runners trots and something no one ever told me about BEFORE I started this journey. Back to that faithful day last year when I went through this experience. I'm out jogging along at my wonderful eleven minute mile pace and the aforementioned pain came on I assessed the situation and kept moving until it got too unbearable to go on. At this point I was a mile away from home and left with two options. A) Shit in someones alley like a dog or B)Clench my ass cheeks together and walk like George Ryan his first day in prison. I chose B and let me just tell you that was the LONGEST walk of my entire life.
     No one knows exactly why "runners trots" occurs but I'd like to think it's your body getting back at you for torturing it mile after mile. Since that day I haven't had any shitty recurrences but i'm always vigilant . You never know if that errant fart might just lead to shorts full of poop and a walk of shame home. So beginning runners be careful. Watch what you eat before a run and be kind to your colon. If you know you're running in the morning you might want to lay off the Indian food and hot wings well in advance.Hold on  I need to wipe let's move on to the next topic.
     I have a race on Sunday! The Kilbride Classic 5k. It's a return to my first race course. In 2009 this was the first place I ever officially declared I AM A RUNNER!. So no more running til then. I will blog from the race to keep you in the know. If you're reading this and you like it let me know. Please leave a comment and follow my blog as I work my way from 5k to 10 k to half marathon and beyond.

     

More about me. This Kenyan failed the genetic lottery.

Stats:
285.5 lbs (dehydrated as hell)
0 miles today

Well I failed to mention this in the last post I'm asthmatic and have been since I was seven. Had nightly asthma attacks as a kid and never really could play any sports. Didn't get my asthma under control until after college and that wasn't until I found a GOOD doctor. I also seem to be allergic to everything. I am allergic ragweed, pollen of all sorts, cats, dogs, grass etcetera etcetera etcetera. Which when you're a runner honestly sucks. Three days a week I'm up and running at 4:30 in the morning with the snot running down my face. In the early spring and late fall seasons it's really quite comical because I have to snotsicles semi attached to my face. Oh yeah i'm damn near legally blind, have flat feet and somehow was born missing a chunk of cartilage in my left knee.

Back to childhood sports: I can run through all my athletic achievements in one pathetic paragraph. I played one year of  little league baseball, wrestled for three years-5th grade through 8th, and played four years of high school football.  The one year of little league was a disaster! In the future I'll have to post the picture. Let's just say this: A fat kid does not belong in stretchy white pants! As for the wrestling it was just as bad. I was young and had boobs and wore a wrestling singlet. Not a pretty sight by any ones definition. Three years of wrestling as a heavyweight against boys who were REAL heavyweights. They were tall and fat. I was kinda tall and kinda chubby. Last but not least lets talk about football. I love football it is and has always been my favorite sport. My dad coached Pop Warner football when I was a kid. I could never play though because my mom wouldn't let me due to the asthma and perceived violence. Guess what I love the sport but I honestly, in retrospect, really sucked. I never started one game not even freshman year. Check out these stats: I was 6 feet tall 220 lbs my freshman year. That's a starting left tackle if I've ever seen one. Nope. I was slow, out of shape and didn't really like all that running.

Look this isn't a pity party. All those things make me being able to run today very gratifying. Just the fact that I'm able to run at all is amazing to me. The fact that I actually enjoy doing it is even more crazy.

I'm a Kenyan on the inside. Still working on the outside.

Hi my name is Chad and I'm a slow fat runner. Here's the stats:

6'2" 290 lbs as of today and I've ran three 5ks over the past 3 years. Personal Record 26:40.

I decided to start writing on here because I don't see a lot of people like me out there in the world running. I never thought I would ever want to do anything like this but I don't know something recently came over me. I'm not trying to lose weight(although that would be a happy byproduct) I run because it's the one time when I have complete control over myself. and I'm sure that's probably why many others do too.

Every few days I will update my progress, talk about races coming up, discuss fat man training secrets and occasionally stray off topic and talk about something more exciting like pop culture or Fat Burger or some other inane topic. This blog will probably end when the fat is removed from the title. Which if the last 31 years of my life can be a indicator will be a long time from now.