My first 10 miler!

Stats:

260 lbs ( 10 away from goal #1)

196.4 miles ran this year

5 weeks out from 1/2 marathon

Yesterday I ran my first 10 miler. I need to admit that I was dreading this undertaking all week. Not only was I dreading the run I was dreading the after effects. I was scared of this day. Deep down inside I felt like there was no way I could ever do this. Cut to me sobbing like a little girl as I reach mile ten in front of my house. It's really quite embarrassing to admit that I cried like that but I guess I better get used to it ,because something is telling me when I run this half marathon and finish I am gonna look like my three year old after a time out. I added two new things to my long run this week. I added GU™ and I added water. I finally got one of those strap on water bottles to run with. Two things about this 1) water gets hot when you hold it and 2) after five miles it gets heavy even if it's only 20 ounces! The water really helped though. Instead of having a sandpaper tongue for the last seven miles I could actually lick my lips and believe it or not I was actually able to keep my mind on running and not my imminent death from dehydration. Tombstone reads: here lies idiot who runs without water. As I mentioned above I added GU™ to my runs as well. GU™ or at least the variety I tried is like a mutated gummy bear or fruit snack. It didn't taste bad. I had the blueberry pomegranate flavor. Around the one hour mark I ate half the pack and took in some water because this stuff is super sticky and has a somewhat overpowering flavor profile and consistency once chewed. I'm not really sure if it helped my run at all but I do know that it almost came back up at mile seven. 

Me after the 10 miler. 

Looking over the stats i'm really proud of myself! I ran ten miles in 1:53:22 at a average pace of 5.3 mph.  Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined this possible. When I was a fat kid struggling to complete the mile during the Presidential Fitness Test every year in school (that really should be banned, along with the rope climb) I felt betrayed by my asthmatic lungs and supersized thighs and ashamed to need to walk three quarters of a mile when most of the other guys were just sprinting along. To this day I still see that kid in the mirror, but when I get done running I see a smile on his face. That smile is priceless and worth every bit of pain that came before it. Peace out.

THE SLOW FAT RUNNER

9.3 set me free.

Stats:

263 lbs

Miles ran this year:172.9

I ran 9.3 miles this weekend. It took an abysmally long 1:46:35 (that's one hour forty six minutes and thirty five seconds for the uninitiated stat geek)   My slowest mile was 12:32 which i'm not really sure can even be called running. I think my grandma could have pulled that with her two plastic knees and cane. On the bright side I did run two sub eleven minute miles during this death march. Okay maybe i'm exagerating a bit here. It wasn't quite a death march but it was extremely hard. You know usually i'm very upbeat about my runs and how I'm overcoming the odds and kicking ass, but not this time. The night before this run I was suffering from mild gastrointestinal discomfort but that didn't stop me from going to my friends birthday get together at our local brewery/restaurant. While there I had about five beers, some soft pretzel sticks, a gallon of cheddar bacon potato soup and as if that wasn't enough I topped it off with half a loaf of mini garlic bread covered in spinach and cheese dip. Let me describe this dip though. Parmesan,swiss and cream cheeses blended with chopped spinach. Also known as the lactose intolerant slow fat runners down fall. So at 7 am I woke up and got ready to run. I felt horrible. Dehydrated and bloated at the same time, but those miles weren't gonna run themselves. First mile hurt. Second mile felt good. Miles three to six felt ok. Mile 7 I hit a wall of pain and discomfort. I felt my intestines shudder and my knees shake. I had to walk for a few seconds to regroup but kept moving on ,albeit at a much slower pace. The remaining miles are kind of a blur. Somewhere between clinching my butt cheeks, fighting off a mouth that seemed to be as arid as the Sahara desert and dodging the dog shit all over the sidewalk on Cardinal drive (seriously how hard is it to bag that crap) I had an epiphany. I CAN run a half marathon and probably a full one. It might take a while but as long as I put one foot in front of the other nothing can stop me.Okay I am a little positive.

If you didn't notice I lost two pounds since last I wrote. I really have been cheating quite frequently. Dedication to diet has been severely lacking. I plan on spending the next six weeks with more focus though. I actually will stretch and strengthen as i'm supposed to and log ALL my food in! I want to be 250 pounds before I run this thing and I know it can be done. Thanks for listening.

The slow fat runner

Week 8: Is this what Eminem meant by 8 mile?

Stats:

Weight: 265 lbs

Miles Ran in 2012: 64.9   (129.5 after further review 3/19/12)

Boxes of Girl Scout Cookies devoured: 8 (ALL GREAT)

This morning I set another personal best (distance). Eight miles in 83:20. Not fast by anyone's standards but the distance was what was real important. I never thought I could run that long. I'm just so amazed at myself. Coolest thing about it was when Eminem's Lose Yourself came on at the very end. It was like some runner God inspirational moment. Sometimes that shuffle really knows how to pick songs! I have never felt this good about myself. I mean NEVER. The sense of accomplishment is honestly just overwhelming me. Next Sunday I'm supposed to step back to run a 10k but I really don't want to. I really want to just push myself further every day. Although I am proud to have reached the eight mile mark I am also kinda pissed off about my pace. I believe I could have run those eight miles in 80 minutes, but I was so scared of the distance that I ran a eleven minute mile pace for the first four miles. Live and learn.Now time for some pain management.

 I meant to bring this up last week. I took a ice bath for the first time. This chilly torture was very necessary. My "coach" Laurie suggested that I take the bath's occasionally to alleviate the pain. She referenced this great Runner's World article on inflammation response to explain why it works. Check it out here. My favorite runner Meb Keflezighi takes a modified ice bath after his runs. He steps into a cool stream on his property and stands there in waist high water for 15 minutes. My experience wasn't as beautiful as his probably is. First I had to squeeze my fat 6'2" frame into my tiny bathtub add cold water and a bag of ice. While sitting there listening to Dave Matthews Band I thought to myself "Is this really worth all this pain"  I did enjoy a beer though while I froze my marbles off. Like George Costanza said on Seinfeld  you have to be careful of shrinkage. 

Next weekend I will be in Las Vegas so I am debating running on the strip or even running at all.. It's so busy there and dirty for that matter. Who knows I might and I might not. It will definitely be a different experience if I do. While out there my wife and I will be renewing our vows and having a great time of debauchery and drunkeness. Culmination of a good ten years.So hopefully I will even be able to run. That's it for now stay tuned more adventures in fat running. 

THE SLOW FAT RUNNER

Week 6/7

Stats:
266 lbs
99.5 miles on the year

Well it's been awhile since I've blogged but I've done a lot over the last two weeks. I ran my fastest 5k time ever (28 minutes on a treadmill) and I ran my longest distance ever (7 miles 1:14:59 @10:43 pace OUTSIDE). Basically I've been kicking ass and taking names. I got new shoes also. Well not new shoes really I got a second pair of my Brooks Beasts because the other ones fell apart. I refuse to have injuries this time around so equipment is very very important. My shoes cost $130.00 but they are worth every penny. So if anyone out there at Brooks reads this please hook a brother up. Speaking of equipment, do you know how hard it is for a big man to find proper running apparel. I'm searching online for 2x running shorts and technical shirts that won't accentuate the man boobs and gut, but apparently no one makes those. I might just try some XL shorts and stick to the t-shirts with the technical shirts beneath them. I'm just not ready to unleash the gun show yet. On to the weight loss aspect of all this running. I'm down fourteen pounds in seven weeks,a healthy two pound per week average. I've lost big weight before but never in a sustainable way. If I can stay healthy and injury free I really believe I can run myself thin. Here's the coolest thing. Today I ate two terrible meals. One at Cracker Barrel  (home of Paula Deen's favorite bad food and one at Arby's. It doesn't matter though because my run burned enough calories that I am still well below my calorie goal. Running where the hell have you been my whole life? That's it for today folks.

 The Slow Fat Runner

My Superbowl Sunday/Week 5

Stats:

Weight: 272 lbs

Miles ran in 2012: 66.9 Miles

I had a so so week 5. I missed two miles of running on Wednesday and missed 40 minutes of cross training on Saturday. After Tuesday's run I felt horrible, my knees were on fire and my shins starting hurting. It seemed like the best course of action was to take Wednesday off, then the water in my house went out and I ended up changing that thing out on Thursday. This turned out to be a true workout but guess what...I went running afterward, it was nine at night but I did it anyway. I just felt like there was no way I could skip two days in a row. I honestly craved to be on that treadmill running, leaving all that stress behind. Saturday I substituted the cross training for painting and started painting my laundry room. I forgot how hard that could be on the knees. So hard in fact I had to ice my knees and take ibuprofen in the morning before I did my long run. I'm not sure if it's okay to ice before a run, but it seemed to really work out real good. No pain during the run and only minimal pain post run. Woo Hoo!

Sunday was Superbowl Sunday that time for gorging on food and beer while sitting on the couch for eight hours. Seriously when you think about it that whole day is like some grotesque Roman orgy of food and sloth. Not my Superbowl Sunday though. I made a concerted effort to not fall into the traps of the day. Woke up had a banana and a protein bar. Drank a cup of coffee and then iced iced baby. Went to the gym and with the intention of only running 10k, knocked that right out of the park! 6.2 miles in 66 minutes at a pace of 10:38 minutes per mile. Usually I stop then and walk slow for 5 minutes, but to prep myself  for the food Bacchanalia I walked for another mile at a incline of 5 at a 3 mph pace. This workout has made me feel even better about myself and what I can do.I did cheat a lot on the food side but hey one day won't kill me. It might actually help me. I cheated twice this week and somehow I actually lost a pound after being stuck at the same weight for like two weeks. A few months ago I could barely run a 5k now I can run twice that distance and still have the energy to continue walking. There is no way I can't do what I want in the future! Half Marathon your ass is mine. Bank of America Chicago Marathon  I see you and I'm coming for you too.

This little guy was in a commercial during the Superbowl. He is the epitome of the slow fat runner. I think I've found a mascot.Looks a lot like my pug  (although it is a french bulldog) but only a bit more fit. Everyone's running these days, why not you?

Snoochie Boochies,

The Slow Fat Runner (Slowly running the fat off)

Bang Bang Bang/Week 4

Stats:
Weight: 274lbs
Boxes of Wheat Thins Killed: Three (The last one was over the course of three days so that's PROGRESS)
Miles Ran in 2012: 52.6

You ever see the movie "Friday"? It has a great scene in it with Ice Cube and John Witherspoon. The scene revolves around how John Witherspoon's character (A dog catcher)loves to treat dogs. A very memorable line comes their exchange.  "I grab a dog, and I choke him, and I kick the shit out of him. All day long, my foot up a dog's ass. Just bang-bang-bang up his ass. That's my pleasure." Now look I'm no proponent of animal cruelty, I love my dog Spunky the narcoleptic wonder pug, but Wednesday while running outside for the first time in weeks I thought about punting a yappy little Yorkshire Terrier. Picture this: Me running along, one mile into my short  run. I'm jamming out to Earth, Wind and Fire the song "Shining Star" to be precise. The wind is cool and crisp and the streets are quiet. All of a sudden I hear a bark (destroying my serenity)and then I feel a tug at my leg. This little shit has got me by the pants leg and is allowing me to drag it along with me. First thought in my mind is of the aforementioned dog catcher. I look around for an owner before I punt this dog 50 yards, luckily for the terrier his owner wasn't too far behind. The owner apologizes and I continue to finish my  two mile run in a dismal 21 minutes. Apparently the dog had been after me for a few houses. So I learned two things from this experience...it's hard out there on the streets and turn down my headphones when running outside.

The rest of the week was pretty uneventful.  My work pants fell off, I lost another pound, ate some stuff I really shouldn't have and read a running book. Marathon: The Ultimate Training Guide: Advice, Plans, and Programs for Half and Full Marathons. It's a great book from one of the contributing editors of Runners World he is also one of the founding  members of the Road Runners Club of America. I would suggest it to anyone who wants to learn more about the sport. After I do the half in April I plan on using his full plan to move up to the real deal. Through this training I have started to think this really might be my sport. As I mentioned before I've played other sports, but they never made me feel this good. If I can stay healthy this just might be something I can do for the rest of my life. I love it. Just think, when I played those other sports I viewed running as a punishment. I had it all wrong. Running was really the best part.  If  only my knees believed it. Ice Ice baby.

I'm addicted to pain killers. Like Jesse Spano and Caffeine.

Stats:
Weight: 275 Lbs
Mileage in 2012: 46.6

It's been a busy week. I finished the week tired but not feeling hungry at all! Training has went according to plan pretty much except for on Wednesday I made a mistake and ran Thursday's workout (3.5 miles) instead of the prescribed 2 miles. Which led me to the title of today's blog. It eludes to a very special episode of Saved By The Bell where Jesse (Elizabeth Berkley) gets hooked on Caffeine pills after she uses them to help her deal with a very hectic schedule. I love ibuprofen like a fat kid loves cake (As a fat kid I know that's a lot). A miracle drug that makes swollen knees and stiff joints feel like a million dollars. Ice is my other friend but it's just not as portable. If I didn't know the serious health issues caused by ibuprofen overdose I would just mix the stuff in with my cereal every day. I must admit though some mornings after running I have to pop them like candy. Something is telling me that by the end of this journey to a half marathon I'm gonna need a handful of these things just to get out of bed.

Just to keep you up to date I've lost 5 pounds this year and have been tracking my calories for only one week(Only one bad day!). I've changed my food diary program to My Fitness Pal. It seems to work better than lose it and my "pal" Matt also uses it. It's got a social, almost Weight Watchers aspect to it which I like. If you join and would like to be my "pal" my user name is slowfatrunr. My half marathon is only 97 days away. It seems like a lot of time but these weeks are just flying by. One more thing...I know I've complained about odors at the gym before, but today I ran next to a guy who smelled like he has NEVER taken a shower. Look body order is natural I expect some at the gym, but this d bag was wearing a shirt with no sleeves. The smell of hot ass and garbage was wafting freely about the area. It was better than Patchoulli stink but still that my friends is just wrong. When he left (20 minutes into my long run) I almost clapped. I didn't though. Instead I just put my nose to the grindstone and knocked out a easy five miles. Easy like Sunday morning as my boy Lionel Richie would say.

Snoochie Boochies, 

The Slow Fat Runner